Daily writing prompt

What is the biggest challenge you will face in the next six months?

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The biggest challenge I will face in the next six months is one that I’ve been fearful of facing all of my adult life and most of my childhood, if I am honest with myself. This is the challenge of being seen, for who and what I am out in the open. In recent years, I have been faced with the reality that I have and have been making active attempts to hide myself. As my therapist would say I am ‘robbing people of their opportunity to experience me fully’. I realized this came as a long term side effect of being bullied, robbing me of a self assured sense of perception I once had and trading it in for a false sense of normality in hopes of being perceived in the eyes of others in a more positive light. Whether it was my parents or peers even within my career, I found myself making constant and conscience efforts to hide who I truly was for a sense of belonging rooted in connectivity between them and the false sense of personhood I created for myself. Only feeling comfortable showing my true self to a select trusted group of loved ones. Now naturally, this left me with no authentic connections to call my own outside of these trust ones, showing me the real connectivity between me and the right people is myself. Even when navigating my own artistry this need to pretend found its way in, trying to align myself with popular aesthetics and sounds that truly do align with the core of my being. It had gotten to a point where even my connection between myself and my art began to feel disingenuous, leaving me to wonder if the lack of support received thus far was rooted in a true lack of potential within the industry. However as my thirtieth birthday approaches this September, being seen as myself artistically and otherwise seems like the only option.

-Fae.